Toni Oberto
self-proclaimed writer & grief companion
The way we grieve or die as a society impacts the way we live, and the way our future generations will live. It impacts every living being on this planet because it impacts our ability to see ourselves as part of that. In 2021, I completed the End-of-Life Doula Training program through Going with Grace, a Compassionate Listening training through A Sacred Passing, and the Level 1 Grief Literacy Training at Being Here, Human. Becoming a grief companion for me is about being fully present with people experiencing grief. This is not because I hold any special power, but simply because I have the willingness to hold that space for others. What led me here was the compilation of my own experiences, education, observations and actions related to death and grief, experiences both tangible and disenfranchised. I don’t limit grief to that experienced only through physical death. Grief can be experienced through loss of humans, pets, houses, artifacts, relationships. Grief can be experienced through oppression, divorce, having children, personal growth, moving, chronic illness, and a list beyond anyone’s capacity to write.
Along this journey, I am working to center the ways grief and dying are impacted by systemic racism and oppression, and how we can heal and decolonize death and grief care. I have an interest in somatic abolitionism and divesting from licensure in the death and grief care space. I am grateful to the work of many who have taught and are teaching me including: Alua and Jenna from Going with Grace; Seena Hodges from The Woke Coach; Lashanna, Danica and Alyssa from A Sacred Passing. An additional acknowledgment and thanks to those whom I am inspired by or learning from through reading and listening: Oceana Sawyer; Resmaa Menakem; Lama Rod Owens; Stephen Jenkinson; Caitlin Doughty; Being Here, Human; and The Collective for Radicalized Death Studies.
I was born and raised in St. Louis and am at my best on hot, sticky days. I get lost in writing and books. I’m an ambivert with a big collective of amazing humans who continue to lift me up time and time again stretching from Seattle to St. Louis to Chicago to DC. I live full-time with my partner, Christian, and my dog, Sid (who really tries to coexist with Christian’s cat, Mikimoto) and part-time the honor of living with Christian’s two wonderful small humans, Ada and Perrin. My family’s origin land is primarily in Turino, Italy, but they immigrated to stolen land around St. Louis, Missouri, in the late 1800s. I found my way up the Mississippi River in 2008 and now exist in Minneapolis, MN.
I look forward to continue learning ways that we can grieve and die better for those I love and those I’ll never meet. Thank you for reading, supporting, loving and existing!
